Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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