Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
