Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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