i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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