speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
