If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
