Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
