Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
