i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
