please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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