Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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