Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it glows. i had to have it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
