she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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