I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
