I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
