I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
