you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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