i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
