Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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