She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
