its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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