You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
