I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
