If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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