So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I believe in your delicious
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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