capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
