I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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