any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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