Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
