I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
