sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
