The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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