there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
