I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
