Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
