it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
