she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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