I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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