I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
