I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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