Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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