The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Randomize
