just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
