I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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