I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
