Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
