they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
