If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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