I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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