There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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