at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
