I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Houston, we have a squirter
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
