Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
