hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
