I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
