this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
