shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
