Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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