Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm like, not good at living.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
