I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
