he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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