i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
