When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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