TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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