I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
