and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
