I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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